Cwmderi Diary 2018: 20 June 2018

Cwmderi is poised for the judging

Outside the door of number 10, Anita tells Siôn that the village is looking its best; she goes to the café to order them some food, while he encourages Cadno and Eifion, who are outside the shop, cleaning the window.

"His Best Kept Village can get stuffed!"

Eifion’s reaction to this is, “He and his Best Kept Village can get stuffed! It’s just a chance to him to show off – I’ve had enough!”

"There's a scrap of paper down there"

Siôn walks along to the Deri, and points out to Garry a scrap of paper on the ground.

"Is the PA available, Garry?"

He asks Garry if the PA is available, as he would like to make a speech.

"Look at the village in all its glory!"

“Look at the village in all its glory!” Siôn enthuses, “I’ve got a very good feeling about today.”

Iolo has just had a telephone call, and agrees to be there in about 20 minutes;

"Gaynor has called me into school"

at that moment Tyler comes downstairs, having been summoned by Gaynor to stand in for one of the other teachers, and wants Iolo to look after Greta.

"I've had a call from the Glyndwr!"

However the answer is, “I’ve just had a call from the Glyndwr – I’ve waited ages for this!”

"Well, you'll have to cancel it"

Tyler tells him to cancel, but Iolo refuses,

"We're going to the cinema later"

and calls his father to act as babysitter, reminding Tyler that they are going to the cinema this afternoon.

"Debbie wants £180,000 for this place"

In the café, Kelly tells Anita and Siôn, “Debbie wants £180,000 for this place – I’ve offered 150 tops – the boiler is ancient.”

Two omelettes are served

Siôn receives the call from Iolo as Debbie brings the two omelettes which they ordered.

"You should drop the price, Debbie"

Anita suggests that she should drop the price, as Kelly says they need a new boiler, but Debbie insists that there will be no mate’s rates; “I’m selling to the highest bidder, and that’s the end of it!”

"Can you look after Greta?"

Siôn returns, and asks if Anita can look after Greta, as the boys have been called out to work, and she says that Esther will have to go to Llinos this afternoon, as she cannot cope with both of them. “You ought to charge for this babysitting – number 10 is like a crèche,” remarks Kelly.

Jason comes in for a sly pint

Jason has popped into the Deri for a sly pint, but is supposed to be fetching doughnuts for the staff; he sees the Tomos ac Ellis details of the café

"Sara likes the idea"

and says that Debbie is asking too much. He has got too much on his plate; “But Sara likes the idea – and, as you know, when Sara gets an idea in her head, look out! I’m surprised that Debbie is selling at all –

Garry regards the Swansea deli as laughable

“I heard she was opening a deli in Swansea.”

Kath comes in for a half pint, and Jason winds her up,

"Your household must be excited"

“Your household must be very excited these days, with Debbie expanding the business in Swansea.” Kath has to agree with this, and Garry continues that Debbie must have learned a lot about food in Spain,

"Where exactly is this deli?"

and asks where exactly this deli is situated.

Kath says she cannot remember exactly;

"What is this – twenty questions?"

“What is this – twenty questions or what?” she demands.

In the shop, Vicky is looking at magazines,

"Are you going to buy anything?"

and Eifion enquires, “Are you going to buy anything?” She replies that this shop is too expensive, so he advises her, “Go elsewhere, then.”

"Don't talk to customers like that!"

Cadno rebukes him for his attitude and also for the way he stacks the shelves.

"Have you got children's medicines?"

Iolo comes in and asks if they sell children’s medicines; Cadno goes to check, then Kath arrives, suggesting to Vicky that she asks for a job there.

"I don't want to work for that grump!"

The reply is quite unequivocal; “I don’t want to work for that grump!” Eifion moans that people are so cheeky, and Iolo remarks that sheep do not answer back, and recalls the time when Eifion was a traffic warden.

Cadno returns and blames Eifion for not ordering any medicine – and it is not the only thing he has forgotten either; he protests that he is a farmer, not a chemist.

"That Eifion is an idiot!"

When they go to the café, Vicky complains to Kath that Eifion is an idiot; “He and Mathew are exactly the same.” Garry walks in, wearing a big smile,

"Sorry, I'm too busy to chat"

and suddenly Debbie is too busy to chat; as she disappears into the kitchen, he says he would love to see her business plan. He is always looking out for ways to expand.

"Five doughnuts, please, Kelly"

Jason comes in and asks Kelly for five doughnuts to take out, asking if she has made an offer for the café;

"Has Sara made an offer?"

she wants to know if Sara has done so.

"There might be three in the race now"

He points out that there may be three in the race now; “Garry’s interested.”

Kelly replies, “We might as well call the village Cwm Garry – Deri, chippy, taxis, garage, café!”

"Did you know Garry was interested?"

She asks Debbie if she knew that Garry was interested in the café. Debbie maintains that she is going to the cash-and-carry,

"You can't keep running away!"

and Garry reminds her she cannot keep running away from him.

“Ask her why she’s asking so much for the café,” he says, “There is no deli, is there? Something’s happened in Spain, and I think you’ve been forced to sell the café. I’m right, aren’t I? Her card didn’t work in the shop last week – “You’re skint, Debs!”

Once more she escapes

She retreats once more into the kitchen.

"Sounds as if she should accept a lower offer"

Jason comments that it sounds as if she should accept a lower offer.

Tyler does not want Greta taken outside

Anita is at number 7, looking after Greta, and is about to take her out when Tyler returns and objects, as the child has a cold.

"Well, I can't stay here to look after her"

Anita tells him, “Well, I can’t stay here to look after her because the judge is on the way.”

"I'll go and get changed for the cinema"

Then Iolo rushes in, is saying he will get changed for the cinema.

Iolo has already bought the tickets

Tyler says that he cannot go, which displeases Iolo, who has already bought the tickets; “My little girl is ill!” he grumbles, and tells Iolo to go on his own.

"Is it true you're skint?"

In the café kitchen, Kelly reports that all the customers have gone, and enquires, “Is it true that you’re skint?” Debbie nods and says that she has been such a fool; she saw an opportunity in Spain to buy an apartment.

Debbie tells her the sad tale

“It was lovely, Kel – three bedrooms, balcony, a large swimming pool, shared with the rest of the block. I was going to rent it out, and the family could use it as well. It sounded too good to be true, so I got a huge loan against the café to buy the place. But it had been built without planning permission, and now they’ve got to demolish it.

All she has left is a huge debt

“I’ve got nothing left apart from a huge debt.”

Kelly wonders why she risked everything for a stupid dream, and made up a story about a delicatessen in Swansea. “Garry was right – I’ve got no hope of getting the full price now,” Debbie confesses.

"I couldn't stay in the café with everyone gossiping about me"

Debbie goes home, saying that she could not stay in the café with people gossiping about her,

"You're going to lose a fortune"

and Vicky predicts that she will lose a fortune on that café. Debbie insists that she does not want Mark to find out, but Vicky says it will probably be in the Western Post tomorrow

Iolo arrives at the cinema . . .

Iolo arrives at the cinema,

. . . where he encounters an old flame

where he bumps into Alun, one of his previous partners, whom he has not seen for ages.

Alun apologises for their break-up

Alun apologises for what happened [he had a homosexual liaison with Iolo behind his wife’s back]

"And I'm sorry Dad hit you"

and Iolo in turn is sorry that his father hit Alun. “Are you here on your own” Iolo asks, and they agree to have a coffee.

The excitement reaches fever pitch

In the village street, Siôn is encouraging people, via the public address system, to clear up any litter they see.

"Don't leave Eifion on his own in the shop"

Cadno is out in the street, and Jason warns her not to leave Eifion alone in the shop, or she will have no customers left.

The judge arrives . . .

Seeing a car approaching, Siôn announces, “Give a warm Cwmderi welcome to the judge,” who it transpires is the litterbug from the park yesterday;

. . . and is none other than the litterbug

she introduces herself as Julie Morgan, and he apologises for what happened in the park.

“Don’t worry – I won’t let a misunderstanding cloud my judgement. I take this job seriously

"I will remain absolutely neutral"

“and I will remain absolutely neutral,” she replies. She walks off to survey the village.

"I've been married to Tyler for two years . . .."

At the cinema, Iolo says that he has been married for two years, to Tyler, the brother of Dani Thomas,

". . . and we have a little girl, Greta"

and they have a little girl, Greta. Alun reveals that he is now open and honest about the fact he is gay, and is on good terms with his wife, Ceri.

Alun is in the early stages of a relationship

He is in the early stages of a relationship with someone who is scared and ashamed and cannot accept it. Then he notices that they have missed the start of the film, but Iolo does not seem to be bothered, and suggests that they have a meal.

It is an anxious time in Cwmderi

The onlookers are anxious as the judge walks round, taking notes; Jason does not think she looks happy.

The judge points out some shortcomings

She reports that there are a few houses with windows that need a coat of paint, and there is a lot of chewing gum on the pavements. The cars outside Moduron Monk were untidy.

"Come off it – it's a garage!"

“Come off it – it’s a garage!” Kelly protests,

The village will not go through to the next round

and the judge pronounces that Cwmderi will not be going through to the next round. They will get an official letter in a few days.

She walks back to her car . . .

As she walks back to her car,

. . . while Siôn launches into a diatribe

Siôn seizes the microphone and informs her that they are pulling out of the competition; “We have worked hard here – we don’t care what a litterbug thinks.

"Calm down, Siôn"

“And another thing, we don’t need a cup or trophy to tell us what we already know – Cwmderi is a remarkable village! And the people of Cwmderi are remarkable people – so stuff your competition! We live in the world’s best village!